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Why “being me” bothers me?

Every morning, during my school days my mom combed my hair and made braids, the dream to go in college like an innocent girl started revolving in my mind. I spent a lot of time adoring movie stars, pulling out dresses from my sister’s wardrobe to try them at night. Every dress was little off for me because I had a cute belly. Like any young girl, I grew up imagining myself looking pretty in those beautiful dresses which my favorite stars used to wear.

An imagination, which slowly became part of my life. That time was really fascinating, everything was so real.

I was waiting to get in college to turn my dreams into reality. I imagined my first day of college like living the dream of looking the best, wearing the best from my wardrobe, making beautiful hairstyles and a happening group of friends.

My score of 95% made me take admission to the best college in the city. “The day” has come! I was really excited to step inside the college along with my best friend, in my best ever attire. Everything went smoothly, all freshers were glad to meet each other on the first day. My excitement to meet my seniors was very high and the moment we stepped in canteen the next day, they stopped us and started calling us through different funny names which they thought
were apt. And there was my name “Moti”, they passed offending comment on me ‘what this bhenji is wearing’ and that was the moment when my dream shattered, and I became extremely conscious about myself.

My mind was now trapped and most of the time I was only thinking, why people stare at me when I walk along with them? or how different I am from other people? My confidence in my body was slowly and steadily getting down. I never thought this will ever happen to me. Even when it comes to uploading a picture on social media, the fear of people passing comments stops me.
There were many instances when people used to tell my family and advise them about me being thinner. But my parents always supported me and never pressurized me.

I may not have a slim body or a glowing skin color but I am unique in my own way which people really don’t understand. We live in a society where we have to mold ourselves according to people’s choice, we are forced to change if we don’t match up with certain standards. But where is this rule written? Why do we need to step back? Why do we need to stop doing the things we love? Today, I have a question for myself – Why have I given up my dream of looking pretty? Why do I believe that I am ugly because they think so?

The answer was easy for me because I can’t change myself for other people and I will never give up any of my dreams because other people don’t like it. It took some time for me to accept and absorb what people say in college behind my back, and I ensured to not let others makes me feel bad about myself. This is what I did to help myself.

1. Believed in myself: Nobody is better than me and I am the best version of myself.
2. Accepted myself: I like myself and that’s the most important thing.
I didn’t have any doubts about myself, I moved ahead in life with a thought that be with me if you like me or leave me. People will only accept you, if you accept yourself.

3. Started being less emotional: I didn’t feel sad if anyone gives me weird look, instead I start walking confidently. If anyone stares at me or points at me, I prefer to pass a smile or say hi to them
4. Did what I like: I became a confident girl who flaunted her confidence by wearing what she loves no matter the body type. My comfort and liking is what is topmost priority to me.
5. Pursued my Dreams: Different clothes fascinated me and I planned to become a fashion blogger, someone who would make you comfortable in your skin and body. Today many young smart girls and boys follow me 
6. Worked out daily for fitness not for the perfect figure
7. Pampered myself, eat what I like and what I want.

These are very simple steps that can be done in daily life to feel the change in environment.

There are many acid attacks survivors who have overcome many challenges and they are confident about their inner beauty than physical appearance.

Don’t let your consciousness spoil your way of living. Stand against the wrong.

If you are seeking help please share your story with us. Feel free to contact Youthopedia team.